What you see is what you get: No one Changes After Marriage

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Many of us believe that people are bound to change after marriage, or rather we hope that they would, up till the point when the truth, that no one actually changes; hits us in the face. Despite that, we still act as if marriage is a savior, giving it way too much responsibility to solve our relationship issues. What we never seem to understand is that marriage is not an antidote. It is not meant to fix things.  

Pay attention to grandmothers’ wisdom talks as they chop veggies for lunch or make a cup of Turkish coffee “no one changes after marriage”. We hear something like that and then, we immediately tell ourselves “Ahmed will surely get over his jealousy once we get married and eventually, get tired of each other” or “I know Mona will stop being so temperamental, it’s just stress over the wedding”.

Not everyone has the same capability to withstand the same character flaws. The issue arises when these mannerisms annoy us terribly and we just expect them to somehow change or go away after living together. This, unfortunately, does not happen. 

No one changes after marriage:

Our refusal to work on our faults:

Let’s face it, our egos sometimes get in the way of our self-progress, depending on the size of yours, of course. Our egos tell us that we are exquisite people with absolutely zero faults, so why work and change for the better when we are already the best?! What we need to do is silence this monster of an ego that resides deep within our psyches, and actually work on bettering ourselves, whether for our own sake or for the sake of our relationships. 

Realizing our faults, being at peace with them, harboring the will for real change, and then taking genuine action, are all decisions that we should make ourselves. After all, it is extremely difficult and challenging to change our habits, and that’s why most people choose to stay the same because they do not understand that there is progress in the tiniest effort that they put into it. 

Read more: Which Typical Marriage Model Do You and Your Spouse Fall Under?

Lazy lovebirds:

Honesty is a double-edged sword, but not when we use it on ourselves. Honestly speaking, we all are lazy, and with the everyday advancement of technology, we’ve become even lazier! We are too lazy to work on ourselves and for that reason, we shouldn’t expect our partners to do so. If your partner’s mannerisms drive you insane, don’t expect them to magically change after marriage because they most probably won’t. Not to mention that you could very possibly discover more things about them that you won’t like. It’s either you learn to live with your partner’s flaws or you let them go now before it’s too late. 

Rejecting change:

Is it because you find yourself angered by your partner’s constant desire to change something specific about you? or do you sense that you’re the weaker party in your relationship and so, you always feel the need to satisfy your partner in any possible way? or do you feel that you’re not good enough for your partner? Before finally deciding to take the step toward change, ask yourself these questions. Talk to your partner if you find that your answer is yes to most of the questions above. Find solutions to real problems instead of creating an even bigger cover-up. 

A healthy relationship means that being together cannot be dependent on either party making drastic changes to their lives or to their personalities in order for the relationship to work. Taking an initiative to make a change should first be for our own good and then, for the good of the relationship. Yes, it is very brave and thoughtful of you to decide to become a better person for your relationship, but really, you should be doing it for yourself first and foremost. 

Supporting your partner in their decision:

Making the decision to change is a decision that no one else can make for you. This doesn’t eliminate the fact that we’d still need help and support from the people closest to us. If your partner needs to make a change in his/her life, show your support, encouragement, and guidance, as well, if possible. Be patient. Change is a challenge that requires tons of time and emotional effort. Most importantly never make your partner feel that s/he needs to change after marriage as if your lives together depend on it. 

In the end, no one is perfect, and when we truly love someone, we love every teeny tiny detail about them. We even fall in love with their imperfections before anything else. Yes, love is blind and it could even drive us into a wall sometimes! However, the beauty of love is truly in its blemishes. Embrace your partner’s imperfections and you will fall in love with the rest, unconditionally. 

Many of us believe that people are bound to change after marriage, or rather we hope that they would, up till the point when the truth, that no one actually changes; hits us in the face. Despite that, we still act as if marriage is a savior, giving it way too much responsibility to solve our relationship issues. What we never seem to understand is that marriage is not an antidote. It is not meant to fix things.  

Pay attention to grandmothers’ wisdom talks as they chop veggies for lunch or make a cup of Turkish coffee “no one changes after marriage”. We hear something like that and then, we immediately tell ourselves “Ahmed will surely get over his jealousy once we get married and eventually, get tired of each other” or “I know Mona will stop being so temperamental, it’s just stress over the wedding”.

Not everyone has the same capability to withstand the same character flaws. The issue arises when these mannerisms annoy us terribly and we just expect them to somehow change or go away after living together. This, unfortunately, does not happen. 

No one changes after marriage:

Our refusal to work on our faults:

Let’s face it, our egos sometimes get in the way of our self-progress, depending on the size of yours, of course. Our egos tell us that we are exquisite people with absolutely zero faults, so why work and change for the better when we are already the best?! What we need to do is silence this monster of an ego that resides deep within our psyches, and actually work on bettering ourselves, whether for our own sake or for the sake of our relationships. 

Realizing our faults, being at peace with them, harboring the will for real change, and then taking genuine action, are all decisions that we should make ourselves. After all, it is extremely difficult and challenging to change our habits, and that’s why most people choose to stay the same because they do not understand that there is progress in the tiniest effort that they put into it. 

Read more: Which Typical Marriage Model Do You and Your Spouse Fall Under?

Lazy lovebirds:

Honesty is a double-edged sword, but not when we use it on ourselves. Honestly speaking, we all are lazy, and with the everyday advancement of technology, we’ve become even lazier! We are too lazy to work on ourselves and for that reason, we shouldn’t expect our partners to do so. If your partner’s mannerisms drive you insane, don’t expect them to magically change after marriage because they most probably won’t. Not to mention that you could very possibly discover more things about them that you won’t like. It’s either you learn to live with your partner’s flaws or you let them go now before it’s too late. 

Rejecting change:

Is it because you find yourself angered by your partner’s constant desire to change something specific about you? or do you sense that you’re the weaker party in your relationship and so, you always feel the need to satisfy your partner in any possible way? or do you feel that you’re not good enough for your partner? Before finally deciding to take the step toward change, ask yourself these questions. Talk to your partner if you find that your answer is yes to most of the questions above. Find solutions to real problems instead of creating an even bigger cover-up. 

A healthy relationship means that being together cannot be dependent on either party making drastic changes to their lives or to their personalities in order for the relationship to work. Taking an initiative to make a change should first be for our own good and then, for the good of the relationship. Yes, it is very brave and thoughtful of you to decide to become a better person for your relationship, but really, you should be doing it for yourself first and foremost. 

Supporting your partner in their decision:

Making the decision to change is a decision that no one else can make for you. This doesn’t eliminate the fact that we’d still need help and support from the people closest to us. If your partner needs to make a change in his/her life, show your support, encouragement, and guidance, as well, if possible. Be patient. Change is a challenge that requires tons of time and emotional effort. Most importantly never make your partner feel that s/he needs to change after marriage as if your lives together depend on it. 

In the end, no one is perfect, and when we truly love someone, we love every teeny tiny detail about them. We even fall in love with their imperfections before anything else. Yes, love is blind and it could even drive us into a wall sometimes! However, the beauty of love is truly in its blemishes. Embrace your partner’s imperfections and you will fall in love with the rest, unconditionally. 

Wedding Planning is a piece of cake with Weds360. We know what matters most and you can count on us every step of the way.

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