Theories on “Me Time” and marriage

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Have you ever heard of the term “Me-Time” in marriage? Have you ever met a married person still able to hold on to his/her own individuality and personal space? Sounds too serious and complicated right? That’s why we will rewind just a bit and start from the beginning. 

Can you remember the first time you met your fiancé? When and how you fell in love and decided to get married? Deep down all stories are kind of the same.  What happens is that two individuals from two different backgrounds come together and with time they become one. Naturally, there are common and uncommon traits and interests between them. The common brings in fruitful conversations, strong attraction, and interest while the uncommon brings excitement to learn more about the other.

Let’s pause here for one moment. Theoretically speaking personal individuality and space actually bring people together. The funny thing is that we never actually get to hear of married couples who are able to maintain a healthy relationship that combines “Me Time” with “Together Time”. In other words, for most married people, the term “Me Time” gets erased from their dictionaries!

But who said that “Me Time” and marriage can’t be used in the same sentence together? Here we will encounter different perspectives and theories on the matter:

Debby’s theory: co-puttering grandparents

Sex educator, Dr. Debbie Herbernick, came up with the term co-puttering which means that two people can be together but at the same time each doing their own thing separately. 

She gave an example of her own grandparent's co-puttering. In the morning the grandfather used to drive his wife to sewing classes on his way to play golf with friends and later they would enjoy lunch together at home. In the afternoon, she would stay in to watch her favorite soap opera while he would sit outside on the porch. In the evening, they would have dinner and watch their favorite shows together. According to Debbie, her grandparent’s marriage was an example of how two people, who have spent decades together, have learned to give each other personal space, and at the same time spent sufficient time together.  This routine was a result of loyalty, dedication, love, and a healthy relationship. 

Amy’s theory: The emergency

Amy is an author who writes about relationship nourishment. She based her theory over the assumption that mothers cannot have the luxury of having their own “Me Time”. She says that these women should think of themselves as the first responders to any arising emergency and in order for them to do the job they must be rested, clear-minded and alert just like any ER doctor would be. 

Taking care of yourself through your me-time will make you a better partner and parent as well as you will be more fun to be around and more responsive to your family.

So your “Me Time” is not a luxury, it’s a must!

Read more: 10 Things Your “Me Time” Can Bring to Your Marriage

Shauna’s theory: Childhood 

Shauna is a married woman who describes her marriage relationship as beautiful, hard, life-changing, frustrating and wonderful.

Her theory states that some people believe that marriage is the answer to many problems in their lives while totally neglecting the importance of “Me Time”. Shauna started feeling she needed personal time alone since she was a little girl, then later in high school, and as an adult. Her theory is that we need alone time despite the stage we are at in our lives. 

To conclude those theories are not scientifically proven, they are hypothetically based on real-life experiences. All of them prove the grave importance of having “Me time” in marriage.

Lastly, try to always remember what Dave Meurer said about having a successful marriage “A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

Have you ever heard of the term “Me-Time” in marriage? Have you ever met a married person still able to hold on to his/her own individuality and personal space? Sounds too serious and complicated right? That’s why we will rewind just a bit and start from the beginning. 

Can you remember the first time you met your fiancé? When and how you fell in love and decided to get married? Deep down all stories are kind of the same.  What happens is that two individuals from two different backgrounds come together and with time they become one. Naturally, there are common and uncommon traits and interests between them. The common brings in fruitful conversations, strong attraction, and interest while the uncommon brings excitement to learn more about the other.

Let’s pause here for one moment. Theoretically speaking personal individuality and space actually bring people together. The funny thing is that we never actually get to hear of married couples who are able to maintain a healthy relationship that combines “Me Time” with “Together Time”. In other words, for most married people, the term “Me Time” gets erased from their dictionaries!

But who said that “Me Time” and marriage can’t be used in the same sentence together? Here we will encounter different perspectives and theories on the matter:

Debby’s theory: co-puttering grandparents

Sex educator, Dr. Debbie Herbernick, came up with the term co-puttering which means that two people can be together but at the same time each doing their own thing separately. 

She gave an example of her own grandparent's co-puttering. In the morning the grandfather used to drive his wife to sewing classes on his way to play golf with friends and later they would enjoy lunch together at home. In the afternoon, she would stay in to watch her favorite soap opera while he would sit outside on the porch. In the evening, they would have dinner and watch their favorite shows together. According to Debbie, her grandparent’s marriage was an example of how two people, who have spent decades together, have learned to give each other personal space, and at the same time spent sufficient time together.  This routine was a result of loyalty, dedication, love, and a healthy relationship. 

Amy’s theory: The emergency

Amy is an author who writes about relationship nourishment. She based her theory over the assumption that mothers cannot have the luxury of having their own “Me Time”. She says that these women should think of themselves as the first responders to any arising emergency and in order for them to do the job they must be rested, clear-minded and alert just like any ER doctor would be. 

Taking care of yourself through your me-time will make you a better partner and parent as well as you will be more fun to be around and more responsive to your family.

So your “Me Time” is not a luxury, it’s a must!

Read more: 10 Things Your “Me Time” Can Bring to Your Marriage

Shauna’s theory: Childhood 

Shauna is a married woman who describes her marriage relationship as beautiful, hard, life-changing, frustrating and wonderful.

Her theory states that some people believe that marriage is the answer to many problems in their lives while totally neglecting the importance of “Me Time”. Shauna started feeling she needed personal time alone since she was a little girl, then later in high school, and as an adult. Her theory is that we need alone time despite the stage we are at in our lives. 

To conclude those theories are not scientifically proven, they are hypothetically based on real-life experiences. All of them prove the grave importance of having “Me time” in marriage.

Lastly, try to always remember what Dave Meurer said about having a successful marriage “A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

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