The Art of Dealing with the Pressure to Have kids after Marriage

7 Steps for handling parents’ and society’s pressure to have children

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Are you ready to stand in the face of pressure from family and friends to have kids? What happens after marriage, in case you haven’t already found out on your own, is that people stop asking you when you’re finally going to tie the knot and start asking when you are planning on having babies instead. In fact, you will find different and quite random people wishing you a dozen children or asking you why you’re still childless after approximately, two months of your wedding. 

People, in general, will start getting very curious about your plans to reproduce and they’ll either try to fish around to get any answers or they’ll directly or bluntly ask you about it. Let’s just say that in that case, the cat does not die of curiosity but you will, out of extreme frustration and annoyance. Oh and not to mention you’ll be hearing a few very famous and common lines, like “Your biological clock is ticking”, “The child comes with its fortune”, “I wish to hear the word grandfather before I die”, and “Don’t you think it’s time to have a child to lighten up your world?”

Photo by Mohamed Atef

Sometimes, the pressure starts to get incredibly overbearing that it seems impossible to handle and at the same time, impossible to live with. In the end, it is your life and you should live it the way you want to.  Follow the steps below if you want to learn how to handle the pressure. 

Step 1: Stand your ground

The first step is to actually know what you want so as to not get easily influenced by the pressure when it hits you. You both should clearly discuss your plans to conceive or to not at all. In most cases, couples discuss this topic before they get married. Just make sure to update each other if you have a change of heart or if your plans alter in any way to make sure that you’re both always and at all times on the same page. 

Step 2: Have a solid understanding of your choice

After knowing what you want, you need to have a solid understanding of your choice. Whether you’re choosing to get pregnant right away, wait for a couple of years, or not have children at all, you need to realize the pros and cons of this choice and grasp them well. Write them down to make it easier to draw an entire picture of the situation. 

Step 3: Fight peer pressure

The more awareness you have of what you want, the less uncertainty you will experience in the face of pressure. Don’t get influenced by peer pressure. You’re not having children to complement your parents, in-laws, or your society’s norms. Remember, this baby is going to be only yours and not the world’s. 

Photo by Hamed El Kamel

Step 4: Fight for your right

It is completely normal to ask for your right to take your time in making your decision away from people’s pressure to have kids and their constant inquiring about your life choices after marriage. So, even if you haven’t made up your mind yet, you must be firm in shutting out all other influences. 

Step 5: Only explain when you really want to

You get to tell and explain your plans to whomever you like whenever you need to. And if you’d rather stay private about it until you decide on what you wish to do, there is absolutely no problem with saying so out loud.

Explain your reasons to your parents because at the end of the day, they want what is best for you. Be honest and don’t raise anyone’s expectations about having children unless you’re actually planning on having them. 

Step 6: Enforce your decision when needed

The trick is in the way you deal with situations where you are strongly being judged or pressured to a point that would be considered a clear violation of your life and privacy.

● Try to explain your choice and listen to others’ opinions while at the same time making it clear that you will not be pushed into having children if you don’t wish to do so.

● You could assertively declare your decision as a matter of fact that is not up for discussion. 

● You could simply keep your opinion to yourself, state that it’s of a private matter, and refuse to speak about it to anyone.

Step 7: Face the pressure as a team

This isn’t your battle alone, so make sure that you fight together, side by side. The pressure is on both of you as a couple so, don’t leave the other standing alone in the field. Support one another and have each other’s backs. 

In the end, you must not let yourself be bullied into following the crowd if you decide to do something that might be considered outrageous to some people. THIS IS NOT THEIR LIFE. Be comfortable with your choices, whatever you decide on. It’s about your choices and not other people’s opinions about them. 

 

Edited by Nour Nasreldin

Are you ready to stand in the face of pressure to have kids from family and friends? What happens after marriage, in case you haven’t already found out on your own, is that people stop asking you when you’re finally going to tie the knot and start asking when you are planning on having babies instead. In fact, you will find different and quite random people wishing you a dozen children or asking you why you’re still childless after approximately, two months of your wedding. 

People, in general, will start getting very curious about your plans to reproduce and they’ll either try to fish around to get any answers or they’ll directly or bluntly ask you about it. Let’s just say that in that case, the cat does not die of curiosity but you will, out of extreme frustration and annoyance. Oh and not to mention you’ll be hearing a few very famous and common lines, like “Your biological clock is ticking”, “The child comes with its fortune”, “I wish to hear the word grandfather before I die”, and “Don’t you think it’s time to have a child to lighten up your world?”

Photo by Mohamed Atef

Sometimes, the pressure starts to get incredibly overbearing that it seems impossible to handle and at the same time, impossible to live with. In the end, it is your life and you should live it the way you want to.  Follow the steps below if you want to learn how to handle the pressure. 

Step 1: Stand your ground

The first step is to actually know what you want so as to not get easily influenced by the pressure when it hits you. You both should clearly discuss your plans to conceive or to not at all. In most cases, couples discuss this topic before they get married. Just make sure to update each other if you have a change of heart or if your plans alter in any way to make sure that you’re both always and at all times on the same page. 

Step 2: Have a solid understanding of your choice

After knowing what you want, you need to have a solid understanding of your choice. Whether you’re choosing to get pregnant right away, wait for a couple of years, or not have children at all, you need to realize the pros and cons of this choice and grasp them well. Write them down to make it easier to draw an entire picture of the situation. 

Step 3: Fight peer pressure

The more awareness you have of what you want, the less uncertainty you will experience in the face of pressure. Don’t get influenced by peer pressure. You’re not having children to complement your parents, in-laws, or your society’s norms. Remember, this baby is going to be only yours and not the world’s. 

Photo by Hamed El Kamel

Step 4: Fight for your right

It is completely normal to ask for your right to take your time in making your decision away from people’s pressure to have kids and their constant inquiring about your life choices after marriage. So, even if you haven’t made up your mind yet, you must be firm in shutting out all other influences. 

Step 5: Only explain when you really want to

You get to tell and explain your plans to whomever you like whenever you need to. And if you’d rather stay private about it until you decide on what you wish to do, there is absolutely no problem with saying so out loud.

Explain your reasons to your parents because at the end of the day, they want what is best for you. Be honest and don’t raise anyone’s expectations about having children unless you’re actually planning on having them. 

Step 6: Enforce your decision when needed

The trick is in the way you deal with situations where you are strongly being judged or pressured to a point that would be considered a clear violation of your life and privacy.

● Try to explain your choice and listen to others’ opinions while at the same time making it clear that you will not be pushed into having children if you don’t wish to do so.

● You could assertively declare your decision as a matter of fact that is not up for discussion. 

● You could simply keep your opinion to yourself, state that it’s a private matter, and refuse to speak about it to anyone.

Step 7: Face the pressure as a team

This isn’t your battle alone, so make sure that you fight together, side by side. The pressure is on both of you as a couple so, don’t leave the other standing alone in the field. Support one another and have each other’s backs.