Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting!

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Money, in-laws, career, sex, communication, values, jealousy, children, stress, friends, and even blueberries can all be causes of conflict in even the most successful marriages. As we can witness here, there are endless reasons why married couples fight. In fact, some of these reasons are quite common while others are very specific to each couple, like blueberries. 

In this article, we will try to explain why some quite specific topics are most likely to cause conflict. These topics are known to everyone because simply, they are the main pillars that determine the success or failure of any marriage. Let’s explore how to handle these pillars in the healthiest way possible. 

Problem no. 1: MONAAAY

Years ago, The Beatles marvelously sang it “Money can’t buy me love”, they just forgot to mention that it could actually buy you shelter, food, clothes, medication, health insurance, and God knows what else. Naturally, when money is tight, you become overstressed. And when you’re overstressed, a lot of problems could arise.  

In marriage, whoever is the breadwinner gets to have more CONTROL over the household, which could make the other party feel weak and insecure. To avoid that, both of you should be involved in the financing process whether with an actual monetary contribution or just through planning and running the budget of the house. Also, the provider, in that case, should give out an allowance. 

Money is POWER and for that reason, you should both have your own separate accounts away from the household’s expenses to spend freely from. Avoid total financial dependency on your spouse because it leads to more complications than you’d think. 

Money and spending could also trigger TRUST issues between spouses if your partner is a spendthrift who haphazardly spends from the household budget. Again, this is a very good reason to have separate accounts. Also, try to set clear rules for a monthly budget and discuss your expenses regularly. 

For more on budget handling, check "20 Tips for Creating Your New Household Rules

Problem no.2: IN-LAWS

Let’s just say that most people fret at the idea of having in-laws more than anything else when they finally decide to tie the knot. The real problem with in-laws happens when they get too controlling or intrusive, which naturally leads to clashes. 

One thing you need to understand is that you should never make your partner choose between you and their parents. Never ever turn it into a battle of “It’s either me or them!” even if things are insanely overbearing.  Instead, set clear boundaries from the start regarding how involved either of your families should be. In-laws are never perfect and so, make an effort to contain them for your partner’s sake. 

Fights with in-laws could get super sensitive. Check out our (10 Marriage Fighting Rules) piece about picking your battles and engaging in healthy arguments.

 

Problem no. 3:  S E X

S E X is sort of a double-edged sword. If the sex is good, so is the relationship. If the sex is "Meh", so will your marriage be. The savior here is having actual sexual chemistry with your partner and ALWAYS talking things out.

Both of you need to make an effort to have a good sexual relationship, starting with COMMUNICATING your needs and desires to each other. Talk openly about what you like or dislike in bed instead of dodging sex by saying you’re too tired or not in the mood to talk! 

Learn to SET THE MOOD when you’re about to get intimate. Listen to each other and understand what each of you needs to get excited and aroused.  

If the problem proceeds and you find yourself unable to handle things yourselves, then it’s time to visit a SEX THERAPIST. There is nothing to be ashamed of when seeking professional help. Remember, this is a serious and sensitive topic that needs extra attention and work. 

Problem no. 4: CAREER

Conflicts that involve your jobs could start taking place when you’re working very long hours that you hardly get any time to spend with each other. Also, if your job requires frequent traveling for long periods. 

Have a DATE NIGHT and set a certain day to spend together on a weekly basis. Spending quality time together is very critical for the relationship to flourish. Too much time apart will lead to a lack of communication and connection. 

Problem no. 5: LACK OF RESPECT 

After marriage, new things start unfolding. Both of you will start acknowledging each other’s faults and annoying habits, which could lead to a potential lack of respect towards each other. Don’t let your personal judgments that are based on your own values and beliefs allow you to disrespect or belittle your partner.

Lack of respect would lead to an inability to communicate, which will generate extreme negative feelings between you. Eventually, most of your fights will be about the pain of disconnection. 

Money, in-laws, career, sex, communication, values, jealousy, children, stress, friends, and even blueberries can all be causes of conflict in even the most successful marriages. As we can witness here, there are endless reasons why married couples fight. In fact, some of these reasons are quite common while others are very specific to each couple, like blueberries. 

In this article, we will try to explain why some quite specific topics are most likely to cause conflict. These topics are known to everyone because simply, they are the main pillars that determine the success or failure of any marriage. Let’s explore how to handle these pillars in the healthiest way possible.

Problem no. 1: MONAAAY

Years ago, The Beatles marvelously sang it “Money can’t buy me love”, they just forgot to mention that it could actually buy you shelter, food, clothes, medication, health insurance, and God knows what else. Naturally, when money is tight, you become overstressed. And when you’re overstressed, a lot of problems could arise.  

In marriage, whoever is the breadwinner gets to have more CONTROL over the household, which could make the other party feel weak and insecure. To avoid that, both of you should be involved in the financing process whether with an actual monetary contribution or just through planning and running the budget of the house. Also, the provider, in that case, should give out an allowance. 

Money is POWER and for that reason, you should both have your own separate accounts away from the household’s expenses to spend freely from. Avoid total financial dependency on your spouse because it leads to more complications than you’d think. 

Money and spending could also trigger TRUST issues between spouses if your partner is a spendthrift who haphazardly spends from the household budget. Again, this is a very good reason to have separate accounts. Also, try to set clear rules for a monthly budget and discuss your expenses regularly. 

For more on budget handling, check "20 Tips for Creating Your New Household Rules

Problem no.2: IN-LAWS

Let’s just say that most people fret at the idea of having in-laws more than anything else when they finally decide to tie the knot. The real problem with in-laws happens when they get too controlling or intrusive, which naturally leads to clashes. 

One thing you need to understand is that you should never make your partner choose between you and their parents. Never ever turn it into a battle of “It’s either me or them!” even if things are insanely overbearing.  Instead, set clear boundaries from the start regarding how involved either of your families should be. In-laws are never perfect and so, make an effort to contain them for your partner’s sake. 

Fights with in-laws could get super sensitive. Check out our (10 Marriage Fighting Rules) piece about picking your battles and engaging in healthy arguments.