11 Truths About the First Year of Marriage
Nour Nasreldin
November 12, 2019
Reading Time:
4m
11 Truths About the First Year of Marriage
What to expect from the hardest year you’ll spend together
If we’re going to do this, then we’re going to do it right. No bullsh*tting, no sugarcoating, and definitely no apple polishing. The first year of marriage is, as a matter of fact, the hardest. Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein states “I think that there are a few main reasons that the first year is so tough, the year leading up to the wedding is usually very stressful and fraught”. Now that you know the truth, it’s time to get real and understand what you're going up against. First off, believe it or not but the 21st century made marriage even more complicated than before, what with combining both of your bank accounts, getting used to someone being all up in your space, the different backgrounds that your parents come from, still being haunted by the idea that you’re too young for this, the rising cost of living, the pressure of social media, and the obsession with perfection…should I stop now?.
After the wedding’s over and after you’ve had the best honeymoon that you could wish for, the two of you will be left to wonder “So, what now?” and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. Here are 10 things you’re going to go through together during the first year of tying the knot.
1. Post honeymoon blues:
Things will probably feel anti-climactic after all the festivities are over because you’ve been going bunkers preparing for everything. Now that this is all in the past, it isn’t the easiest thing in the world to try and pick up right after and get back to regular life.
2. The “Wait-a-second-this-is-going-to-be-the-rest-of-my-life” factor:
After marriage, everything becomes more significant than it was before: fights, arguments, disappointments…you’re starting to realize that fun time is over and that this is the real deal. You have to adult the hell up.
3. The in-laws:
Yes, the thought of them is something that you will have to consider every time anything major happens between the two of you. So, it’s completely up to you if you both agree to have your parents stay out of your business and to be honest, that’s most likely the right thing to do.
4. Under pressure:
Remember the people who suddenly turned into a never-ending string of questions, opinions, and suggestions once they heard news of your engagement? Those are the same people who will nag you over having a baby once you’ve made it to your new home.
Read more: The Art of Dealing with the Pressure to have kids After Marriage
5. Financial panic:
Suddenly being legally responsible for each other’s finances is not something that you are going to take lightly. But munchkin, you’re a grown-up now and you’re going to have to learn how to share. Yes, you’re going to have to sit down together and talk things out whenever you’re about to make any big financial decisions.
6. You will discover new things about each other:
You will discover new things about each other and it won’t all be good. No matter the amount of time you’ve spent together before marriage, including traveling together; rest assured that you still do not know all there is to know about your partner. This comes with the realization that you’re stuck with this habit or pet-peeve for life.
7. You will realize the importance of silence:
You will realize the importance of silence and you will finally accept that it is completely okay. A lot of couples often dread the idea of running out of things to talk about, but marriage teaches you the opposite in a good way. Marriage really does educate you on the value of silence. Silence is nice, the times when you try too hard to find something to talk about with your spouse, that’s when you know things aren’t as they should be.
8. You have to be ready:
You have to be ready when the freshness of marriage and the epic romance wear off because as brutal as it sounds, you haven’t had your worst fight yet. The key here is to accept and not to resist. Fighting can be good, it allows you to let things out and lays down the foundation on which you will build your life together.
9. Marriage hurls you into adulthood:
Getting married in your 20s sometimes feels like playing house with your partner, what with the whole having to call someone your “husband” or your “wife”, you probably find it weird and eerie. You’re probably giggling nervously now while reading this. Suddenly, you’re faced with all the responsibilities of moving, sharing everything, taking care of someone else when they’re sick. Fake it till you eventually grow into the adult that you look like on the outside.
10. Equal responsibilities:
The moment you get married is the moment you must realize that you both share equal responsibilities. You both have to cook, clean, iron, have a career, take care of the baby, change the diaper, provide for the family…you get the image. Forget what your sexist grandma taught you. Also, forget about mystery: no matter how much you want to keep the mystery in the relationship, all will be gone once one of you gets food poisoning.
11. Going out once a week:
You will understand the importance and seriousness of date night aka leaving the house and going out together at least once a week.
If we’re going to do this, then we’re going to do it right. No bullsh*tting, no sugarcoating, and definitely no apple polishing. The first year of marriage is, as a matter of fact, the hardest. Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein states “I think that there are a few main reasons that the first year is so tough, the year leading up to the wedding is usually very stressful and fraught”. Now that you know the truth, it’s time to get real and understand what you're going up against. First off, believe it or not but the 21st century made marriage even more complicated than before, what with combining both of your bank accounts, getting used to someone being all up in your space, the different backgrounds that your parents come from, still being haunted by the idea that you’re too young for this, the rising cost of living, the pressure of social media, and the obsession with perfection…should I stop now?.
After the wedding’s over and after you’ve had the best honeymoon that you could wish for, the two of you will be left to wonder “So, what now?” and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. Here are 10 things you’re going to go through together during the first year of tying the knot.
1. Post honeymoon blues:
Things will probably feel anti-climactic after all the festivities are over because you’ve been going bunkers preparing for everything. Now that this is all in the past, it isn’t the easiest thing in the world to try and pick up right after and get back to regular life.
2. The “Wait-a-second-this-is-going-to-be-the-rest-of-my-life” factor:
After marriage, everything becomes more significant than it was before: fights, arguments, disappointments…you’re starting to realize that fun time is over and that this is the real deal. You have to adult the hell up.
3. The in-laws:
Yes, the thought of them is something that you will have to consider every time anything major happens between the two of you. So, it’s completely up to you if you both agree to have your parents stay out of your business and to be honest, that’s most likely the right thing to do.
4. Under pressure:
Remember the people who suddenly turned into a never-ending string of questions, opinions, and suggestions once they heard news of your engagement? Those are the same people who will nag you over having a baby once you’ve made it to your new home.
Read more: The Art of Dealing with the Pressure to have kids After Marriage
5. Financial panic:
Suddenly being legally responsible for each other’s finances is not something that you are going to take lightly. But munchkin, you’re a grown-up now and you’re going to have to learn how to share. Yes, you’re going to have to sit down together and talk things out whenever you’re about to make any big financial decisions.
6. You will discover new things about each other:
You will discover new things about each other and it won’t all be good. No matter the amount of time you’ve spent together before marriage, including traveling together; rest assured that you still do not know all there is to know about your partner. This comes with the realization that you’re stuck with this habit or pet-peeve for life.
7. You will realize the importance of silence:
You will realize the importance of silence and you will finally accept that it is completely okay. A lot of couples often dread the idea of running out of things to talk about, but marriage teaches you the opposite in a good way. Marriage really does educate you on the value of silence. Silence is nice, the times when you try too hard to find something to talk about with your spouse, that’s when you know things aren’t as they should be.
8. You have to be ready:
You have to be ready when the freshness of marriage and the epic romance wear off because as brutal as it sounds, you haven’t had your worst fight yet. The key here is to accept and not to resist. Fighting can be good, it allows you to let things out and lays down the foundation on which you will build your life together.
9. Marriage hurls you into adulthood:
Getting married in your 20s sometimes feels like playing house with your partner, what with the whole having to call someone your “husband” or your “wife”, you probably find it weird and eerie. You’re probably giggling nervously now while reading this. Suddenly, you’re faced with all the responsibilities of moving, sharing everything, taking care of someone else when they’re sick. Fake it till you eventually grow into the adult that you look like on the outside.
10. Equal responsibilities:
The moment you get married is the moment you must realize that you both share equal responsibilities. You both have to cook, clean, iron, have a career, take care of the baby, change the diaper, provide for the family…you get the image. Forget what your sexist grandma taught you. Also, forget about mystery: no matter how much you want to keep the mystery in the relationship, all will be gone once one of you gets food poisoning.
11. Going out once a week:
You will understand the importance and seriousness of date night aka leaving the house and going out together at least once a week.
